"Smart" car & inquisitive classroom

Since last May, 14 bright-orange Smart cars (a very tiny Mercedes) have traveled around Germany to share the Good News and advertise for an upcoming crusade. This outreach event will be held in mid-March in Munich & carried to dozens of cities by satellite.

This week the cars are in Jena, visiting the hospital & shopping areas, a soup kitchen & the downtown. Today I accompanied Stefan, a student leader, as he was sharing his faith with a 6th grade class on "ethics" (one either takes religion or ethics in school). They are studying Christianity at the moment. The amazing thing is that we- Stefan, another student Sebastian, and I - were given a really open-minded class (a few are pictured below). They asked all kinds of questions for over an hour. When I asked them what THEY believed, the consensus seemed to be reflected by: "I don't believe in God, but like most kids, I pray when I'm in a tight spot." And, "It would be nice to believe in something, like even a higher power; but it doesn't seem logical." "I'm afraid of death & really wish I had something to reassure me."

An extra surprise --Stefan called today before the school visit: "Martha, can i pick you up earlier? The Jena TV channel wants an interview!" (see camera interviewer, right). All 3 of us were on this all-news channel. It was to be repeated each hour, through the night. Cool, huh?

It's just different

I am preparing for tomorrow's planning meeting for the "vision trip" that I, along with a group of German students, will take to the States for 2 weeks in March. One thing we'll talk about is American customs. It reminded me, yet again, of the big & little things that are unique or different about our 2 countries.

Culture "adaptation" is a 3-step process. First, one must keenly observe similarities & differences. Second comes the hard part-- deciding what they mean AND deciding how to view them: some traditions, events or habits are not "bad" or "good"-- but just "different." Third, I must learn when to modify (or not!) my habits or learn a new preference.

And Yes, I DO believe in absolutes ... but here are examples of what I mean. The carton of eggs above-- comes in a package of 10 (not a dozen). Why is that? (& why do the States use 12?) The milk here comes in 1 liter cartons. In my first 2 months in Germany, when i had a bike with a cute basket on the front (but had no auto), I quickly discovered at least one reason why milk comes in smaller packages. A gallon bottle would fill most of your basket-- ahhh! Then you'd have to shop even more often. (It would fill your refrigerator here, too!)

On a weightier matter-- how does the liter figure into gas costs? If the auto uses 25 gallons--you need 94.6 liters to fill the tank. SO, at 1.10 Euro per liter (present cost IF you use diesel, which I do, which is cheaper!). Total at the tank = $124! Thankfully, my organization pays for much of my gas costs.

Déjà Vu

"Life is pain, Heiness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." (The Princess Bride)

The university "Clinic." It was one of those weird moments on Thursday & again today when I visited my friend Nadin in our large, glass & steel hospital in Jena. She had surgery on her knee and is stationed just 1 floor above where I spent 2 weeks last spring.

I had an emergency situation in late March 2005 when the disc between my 3rd & 4th lumbar vertebrae bulged & 'ruptured' & a tiny piece went into my spinal column. It caused numbness in my left knee & also great discomfort (i nearly fainted at home from the pain, but managed to call a taxi on Good Friday). They wanted to operate on Easter, but I urged them to wait until I could get more counsel and see if the problem would resolve itself through prayer, or another treatment. I was desperate not to miss my only sibling's, my brother's, wedding on April 15th (bottom line: i missed it).

So many mixed & random memories ran through my mind today... & it was not a "happy" feeling. The many kind visitors from my church; the flowers & cards; as well as the early morning visits by a team of doctors (yawn! LIGHTS on!) & nurses coming in & out all day. I barely knew what the "outside world" looked like (entrance halls on the ground floor), since I'd admitted myself into the ER. I recall being exhausted even though I did nothing very physical. The electric "shock" thing they put on my foot a few times, to measure nerve damage. Not being able to reach the sink properly to brush my teeth. Meeting with Anja at bedside about the start-up of our next semester, & the arrival of a new intern from Florida. There were the myriad of late night phone calls to the States to try to figure out if I could maybe manage flying to Florida in my condition. Making hundreds of decisions myself.

Then the next 3 weeks spent in a lovely (but lonely) rehabilitation clinic in a village 25 minutes from Jena (& that's another whole story which I won't go into now). That initial event on Good Friday-- I had pulled myself off the floor (why on the floor? To keep from fainting-- with the help, too, of 800 mg. of Ibuprofen), gotten dressed quickly to meet the taxi, & stuffed a toothbrush & a couple of items in my backpack in case I had to spend the night-- little did I know I wouldn't see my apartment again for 5 weeks!

It was in many ways a true 'nightmare,' but also -- as are most tragic instances in our lives-- a chance to hear from God. To sing new songs and experience grace afresh in my humbled situation. To cry and pray a lot. To live with unanswered questions. To 'break in' a new journal --which I could only write in carefully in a semi-lounging versus sitting position. To draw near to friends who cared. To fight bitterness. To ask God to speak clearly and that I not 'miss' any lesson or new insight. To connect with verses in the Word...

"The days of our years -- there are 70 of them, and if there is great strength, eighty years-- yet their best involves toil and grief." - Psalm 90:10

"Make us glad to the measure of the days Thou hast afflicted us, of the year in which we have seen calamity." - Psalm 90:15

"Be cheerful on this account, although now for a little while, if it must be, you are distressed by various trials, so that your tested faith, far more precious than perishable gold that is tested by fire, may prove to be for praise and glory and honor, when Jesus Christ is revealed." - 1 Peter 1:6-7 (Berkeley version)

Olympics Mania

Well, on this side of the Big Pond I'm definitely rooting for 2 nations in the Olympics! And what a great theme for our party this week-- we had over 30 attending, despite the fact that many were studying for final exams. (see me with Stefan & Conny, rt.).
We enjoyed eating, watching the winter games on TV & playing crazy games ourselves in 4 Olympic "events"-- including arranging 5 rings so they correctly formed the Olympics logo as well as our own version of the biathlon (thanks to the creative Conny, Jan & Caro). It involved walking as fast as you can with a ping-pong ball in a spoon, up & down my indoor flight of stairs, crossing the finish line, & then throwing the ball at a line of cups, trying to topple one (see Lukas with Peter). Our team came in 2nd place-- i was happy with our SILVER! To carry out the theme, some of us dressed up in scarves, sweaters, and/or ski pants. (photo: Conny, Maria, Matthias, Martha, Lydia, Mario)

Parties are for sure a HUGE part of our Connexxion group-- they are a great place to invite friends. And it's amazing how much you can connect in small ways while laughing about a game, or maybe in big ways, when even in the first 5 minutes of talking you can have a "wow-- i really got to know you" conversation.

Ayham had a birthday the next day (pictured here with Johanna)--in Germany, when it turns 12:01 a.m. of your special day, the gang can finally wish you "happy birthday"-- but never earlier. Needless to say we had a late night & loads of fun!

fishin' at the north sea

This is a look backwards... since my blog is new I'm still wanting to share about cool stuff from the months "B.B." ("before Blog"). In September ( our "summer break" for colleges here) we took students for several days on a mission trip to the North Sea. We helped a Baptist church doing a city-wide outreach (more like a village /city) and tent revival.

Here I am with our new friend there Jaclin, a champion high school athlete, whose openness won our hearts! Experiences with friends like this reminded me of the photo above: God is the kind and persevering Fisherman.

We led discussions in English classes at the high school. And on the tent grounds we played games with kids & did crafts, shared our faith around the campfire with teens, and also in the evenings helped with praise music, drama & interpreting at the worship services. There were 2 visiting pastors from South Africa there, as well as a well-known German evangelist named Helmut Gohr.

Stefan from our group interpreted into German at a crazy pace, trying to keep up (& doing well) with their loud, fast-paced preaching (uncharacteristic for more subtle and subdued Germans!), which was delivered in a strong African- British accent.

This region of Germany has it's own breath-taking & serene, yet wild look-- windmills & moors, ocean & "watt (ocean floor mud-- oozy!) wandering" as well as docks linking the North Sea (thus the Atlantic) to the Baltic Sea.

Scouting about Local Cities

This week 2 men from Kansas, Russell W. and a friend of his, came to my city to fellowship, observe our ministry & meet our students. They have connections in helping college students in the States experience life overseas. Here they are on our "Marktplatz" (the town square). The statue is of Duke Johann Friedrich, the founder of our university.

Since I felt that they could give good insight into a decision about starting up work on a new campus, on Tuesday Lukas (student leader) & I took them on a trip to 2 university cities-- Erlangen & Bayreuth-- about 2 hours south of Jena (see Erlangen palace & present univ. building, right).

Our students and staff really enjoyed the chance to pick their brains, especially at an evening group time on Wednesday in my apartment.

No visit to this area would be complete without seeing the Wartburg Castle in Eisenach. Stefan (a student leader) & I took them today where Martin Luther translated the New Testament --in just 10 weeks!

In the year 1206 there was a contest of minstrels, in which 6 poets and singers competed, and the loser was going to lose his life (see re-enactment left! :-)

Wrestling Match

My new friend Stefanie put me onto a “hunt” for verses & thoughts about what it means to “struggle well.” This turned out to be in line with how I’ve been feeling recently, & where I’ve been with God in some areas, so I thought I’d write down verses & journal.

What does it mean to struggle well?
1) Ask myself: what is my motivation in struggling with the Lord?

Jacob wrestled with God, or an angel (thus, also God’s emissary). Genesis 32:16 - "I will not let you go until you bless me." – As we say in German, “Frechheit!” (that’s so brazen of him)! How can one basically TRY to wrestle with God? Isn’t that insane? Do I think I can “win” against or thwart Him? Didn’t Jacob know what He was doing or with whom he was dealing? (maybe he did & thus cried out and ‘demanded’ the blessing?)

Perhaps one way of struggling well is when I do have a "fight" with God-- but in the end I'm fighting not to win my OWN way, but to see if I can get the BEST will He has for me— (like when people say praying diligently isn’t to turn God’s hand, but to make sure that you understand what the Lord’s will is for you all along & can fall in line with it).

And what is the alternative—just to “resign” myself to His will as it seems to be played out now? Or maybe I wonder if my resignation isn’t HIS WILL but my inability to believe God for big things (see Hebrews 11). What if my desires are meant to be fulfilled and I must wait? The timing is off. I must pray towards them & claim Scripture. Jacob interacted & talked with the One he wrestled with; he fought AND prayed, so to speak.

Noch was… Stefan B. says we should delineate between positive & negative resignation. “Positive” resignation is based on trust in God’s character and His plan for my life. “Negative resignation” says “well, I can’t change anything in my destiny so will just sit here.” Stef said, too: “…Because Jacob chose to trust the Man, to exhibit faith in the Man's character to the point that he would continue to struggle with Him.” Cool. So motivation to get God’s best & fall in line with His character, as He has revealed it.

2) Ask: am I open with God and with “meaningful others” (loyal friends, godly mentors, authority, etc.) about my struggle, when appropriate? This is struggling well. Heart attitude: “living an open & honest life before others.” Because if you try to only bury your feelings, then they are going to pop up elsewhere or later, in a wrong way possibly. If the reality is that I’m not satisfied with life as it is, then I think it's ok to be HONEST with God & let him know my hesitations, or fears (He knows them anyway, right?). Sweeping things under the rug is not the “good form” of not struggling with God.

3) Ask: am I determined that this isn’t about my winning, but about God getting the ‘upper hand’ in the end?
What is gonna be the result? Similar to Nr. 1 - in the end, I'm not going to be bitter or turn against God-- no matter WHAT the struggle is. I'm determined that this is gonna turn out for His glory and my good, in the end. (Even if the middle gets sort of 'messy.')

The “middle” is also important—I can’t leave out the process (by only focusing on the END result). It could be what God is doing IN me, in us. Maybe my unfulfilled desires ARE the sacrifice & the identification with Christ. The “process” God is doing in me. If being in Germany & being a single weren’t hard, well, people might say “How cool that you’re making this ‘sacrifice,’ only seeing friends & family sporadically & at a high plane fare cost. You’re living on a low salary. Away from Christian concerts & radio & multiple bible study opportunities & singles groups. You’re out of touch with your culture & home language. And daily learning & trying to adapt to be an ‘insider.’” Then I could respond: “No, no biggie—it’s no sacrifice.”

But if, on the other hand, like Jacob I might say, “although I’m truly rich & can’t complain about life—(Jacob had 2 wives, plenty of kids, servants, lots of animals & wealth) -- something about my life as it is, is STILL not enough. I’m not satisfied.” (and after all I really do NOT desire to live in the US right now- but do sometimes feel torn). The struggle, the process of getting to the blessing—that must be worth it- right?

So motivation, openness & determination about the end/ result (or seeing God’s hand in the process stage). These 3 help me see what it means to struggle well.

Psalm 24: 5-6: “He will receive BLESSING from the Lord, and vindication from God his Savior…Such is the generation of THOSE WHO SEEK HIM, who seek Your face, O God of JACOB.” I am totally attached to that quote by Jacob right now—it will be a ‘life verse’ for the year for me -- "I will not let You go, until..."

No Blah or Blues on Mondays

On Monday the Bible discussion group, which I attend at the Quergasse Nr. 1 pub, had our last 'session' of the semester-- here is who was still there a bit after the evening had winded down: Sebastian, Maria (co-leader), Vera, Thomas (leader) and yours-truly! I think partly because it's a fun place, & the music is 'happenin' -- also the building is a few centuries old (plus Thomas likes the chili), students like to come. I know that for me it's really a joy to hang with these guys.

I'm looking forward to what God will do next semester (beginning April) when our Connexxion group adds yet another weekly discussion group -- from 4 groups to 5 (& this semester the FOUR was already a 'world record' for us! wow!). Thanks, God! I do love Mondays-- know why? What's amazing to recall is that when we began the group in 2000 we were first 1 group, meeting in my apartment on Monday nights.

"Extra Cross" Worship

We have "Extra Cross" worship monthly on the campus. A marvelous way for those in our small groups to join together in a larger setting, invite friends, praise God with good music & solid teaching. The name is a play- on-words: "cross" means in English, well... cross! But in German it means "crusty" such as toast-- thus our logo is toast, with a bite taken out. So this worship is one that has an 'edge' on it, or one having a "bite."

Fellow teammates Jeff & Deanna Davis spoke this week (using their new favorite language as of the last 7 months--German-- mixed in with English -- "GOOD GOIN' gang"!!!). Topic: "Eine Liebe fürs Leben" ("A Love for Life" -- Jeff, left, with interpreter, Julia, right)

Worship Team: Thomas, Petra, Lydia, and Nicole (band leader) & usually Sebastian on drums.

English at FSU

I have really enjoyed teaching an English conversation & oral presentation course at Friedrich-Schiller University since 2001. Today I took a photo of my bright & dedicated class (a few are missing because of final exams that have already begun!). Being on campus in this capacity keeps me 'sharp' --in meeting new students, & in contributing to society in a way which most people in my community can appreciate!

One more thing-- teaching here has been a living example to me, yet again, that there are no 'wasted circumstances.' No accidents.

"God never wastes his men, or wastes experiences."

A quote from years before by my mom. This was when my brother Bruce was biking through south China & a young guy in his tour group, reacting to a malaria medication, died soon after in a hospital in Hawaii. Sometimes people, nice events or even tragedies we come across make us question: "why is this part of my life?" In college, I got a minor in bilingual education (Spanish & English), and then taught English for 2 years in my old high school. But thinking about moving to Germany, I figured it would just be to work in campus ministry. Little did I know... The Lord knew, however, that I'd be able to use this specialized piece of my training & degree again!

"Soul Ripping" - a poem

(there are days or even eras in our life when the Lord is doing a particularly painful work in us. And we can only pray that, when it's all said & done, He will prevail. And we will learn to succumb to the best God has for us, without compromise, regardless of how that "best" looks like from this vantage point. This poem, like my life, is a work in progress...)

How does my heart stand it,
This poverty of oneness?
The intimacy with the world,
Invites me to fun-ness,
Your call on my life
And my love
Is extreme,
When bonding with You
means I leave the world behind.

Will I fail the test
and only take “so much,”
not rely on Your faithfulness, and count You
as not enough?
But are you more than I need?
Yes, in heavenly terms, but on earth
It seems….
Like you’re not quite sufficient,
To make real my fine dreams.

The satisfaction quotient of my
Body and soul
Says ‘Lord, give me some slack,
Your will comes too slow,
To check all my passions and yearnings
And fears.
Would Jesus be able to stand here, without tears?

The stripping—it’s started again,
The soul ripping, of things of earth and clay
The grinding, of rough edges,
you’ve cleaned.
You’re burning dross away
You’re calling me to white, to purity,
The gray can’t stay,

And I’m hanging on
with bare fingernails,
to believe what I know
about You and your goodness,
of your plan and its flow.

I’m hanging on
avoiding false “options”
To live out what is true,
While having doubts of your character,
And still wanting a clue.

You’ve called me to freedom,
To light and to joy,
But the power and pulling and tugging of
Other loves,
Of things that are good, but not the best, from above,
Is straining to steal my heart from higher things
And wrenching your grasp away--
What can hold me
In the gap, come what may?

The stripping, it’s started,
Gone the layers of stuff,
The burning is painful,
I’m struggling to breathe,
The stretching— is forcing me
To live just for One.

We’ve been through this before,
Must I give up again?
Must I surrender to you as boss, shall you win?
No glory for me, no limits allowed,
Isn’t once all that’s needed,
For my heart to be yours?

Were decisions not made many years before
Sufficient to hold me until death’s door?
Why must I keep giving up,
giving in,
with white flag waving?
Brutal call on my life,
Stop the backward glance, wavering.

And I’m hanging on with fingernails,
Over the cliff of bitterness.
Over the options of half-way,
Of sin or of play.

The stripping—continues,
Jacob’s wrestle repeated.
“Oh, Lord, will you bless me,”
Cries my soul quite defeated.
Shall I fight or resign,
Make a fist or act benign?
In the great scheme of things my heart wills to say,
“You are here.”
I will stay.

I’m hanging on
With heartache,
And crying myself to sleep,
Over the crevice of “good enough,” or of sin,
Or of half-way.

Yes, it’s on-going,
The stripping,
Layers peeling
(Do you hear ripping?)
Heart is pounding,
Got me by the stomach—
Eyes are tired.
Time for
soul ripping.

Just for Girls

Last night our Connexxion campus group sponsored a fun, Valentine's -themed party for 18 young ladies. Everyone brought something to sprinkle, pour (I made chili) or cut up over baked potatoes. (Sabine, friend Lydia & Conny B. on right)

A very special treat was having a telephone interview on speaker phone with our beloved Anja. She is our former staffer now working on her Master of Arts in Christian Education at Southwestern Seminary. Afterwards we baked cookies, played games & laughed a lot!... (below: Nadin, Kathrin & Deanna, left & Petra with Nadin, right)

Weather Wonders & Wow

"He sends his orders to the world-- how swiftly his word flies!

He sends the snow like white wool, he scatters frost upon the ground like ashes....

Then, at his command, it all melts."

-- Psalm 147:15, 16,18 --

Today was an awesome reminder of the greatness of God, His power & His sovereignty-- we had a huge snow storm around 11 a.m. -- pretty unusual in the speed that it came (here's a city view from my kitchen window/door). It was a good chance to also say: "Thank you, Father, that just as the snow fall is orchestrated by You and well-timed, so do You order my life, my days & my circumstances for Your glory. Nothing is by accident, or comes too early or too late. Make that so, even more, in me this week!"

Now in the afternoon, look how things have melted! It's just above freezing and, frankly, now that I'm more used to the cold, I don't feel the need to wear gloves when just getting in & out of the car.

"God's voice is glorious in the thunder. We cannot comprehend the greatness of his power. He directs the snow to fall on the earth

and tells the rain to pour down.

Everyone stops working at such a time so they can recognize his power."

-- Job 37:5-7 --

Thankful for Thomas

Thomas, a computer programmer, will start working part-time as an intern on our Connexxion staff as of April 1st. We couldn't be more excited! He's been a friend of mine and our group since 2001 & has been an active leader in Connexxion also after graduation.

Here is a photo of him from one of our 2 Monday night Bible discussion groups. Thomas & Maria lead this group which I attend weekly; the group meets in a Cafe (the Cafe is probably a couple of hundred years OLD!). Last Monday we had a special "Big Frage Abend" (big question night). Thomas explained the Good News & drew out the "Bridge" illustration , showing the relationship which we can have with God through Jesus Christ, the bridge.

Let it S...N...O...W

This weekend we had our "team retreat" with our Connexxion ministry staff, to plan for future months and have some "bonding time." We stayed in Oberhof, a town where they do ski jumping and the biathalon. I'm with Rici who helped our team by spending time with the kids, so the adults could meet together.

It is exciting that Thomas got to be with us, too. He's a former student & present computer programmer, & will be joining our staff part-time as of April! Yea!


Deanna & daughter Georgia are anticipating their strategy to slide down the slope. (A few more fun photos are found at Deanna's Diary.)

Walk to Napoleon's Battleground

This past week I enjoyed a brisk, early morning walk with Deanna, my friend on our campus ministry team, about 30 minutes up a hill from Jena. We walked in the fog to a once -upon-a-time battlefield. There Napoleon & his Grand Armee won against a Prussian army of 130,000. Many decades later it became a training ground for Russian tanks & soldiers during the GDR days.

Having lived primarily in warmer or moderate climates, I am still learning to appreciate the (brrr!) below-freezing COLD! But oh—I have learned that snow is frosty, even romantic, pure, cozy (once you’re indoors!), creative (the crystals!) and enchanting—it looks like powdered sugar sprinkling the evergreen trees (did you seen Chronicles of Narnia?).