Wrestling Match

My new friend Stefanie put me onto a “hunt” for verses & thoughts about what it means to “struggle well.” This turned out to be in line with how I’ve been feeling recently, & where I’ve been with God in some areas, so I thought I’d write down verses & journal.

What does it mean to struggle well?
1) Ask myself: what is my motivation in struggling with the Lord?

Jacob wrestled with God, or an angel (thus, also God’s emissary). Genesis 32:16 - "I will not let you go until you bless me." – As we say in German, “Frechheit!” (that’s so brazen of him)! How can one basically TRY to wrestle with God? Isn’t that insane? Do I think I can “win” against or thwart Him? Didn’t Jacob know what He was doing or with whom he was dealing? (maybe he did & thus cried out and ‘demanded’ the blessing?)

Perhaps one way of struggling well is when I do have a "fight" with God-- but in the end I'm fighting not to win my OWN way, but to see if I can get the BEST will He has for me— (like when people say praying diligently isn’t to turn God’s hand, but to make sure that you understand what the Lord’s will is for you all along & can fall in line with it).

And what is the alternative—just to “resign” myself to His will as it seems to be played out now? Or maybe I wonder if my resignation isn’t HIS WILL but my inability to believe God for big things (see Hebrews 11). What if my desires are meant to be fulfilled and I must wait? The timing is off. I must pray towards them & claim Scripture. Jacob interacted & talked with the One he wrestled with; he fought AND prayed, so to speak.

Noch was… Stefan B. says we should delineate between positive & negative resignation. “Positive” resignation is based on trust in God’s character and His plan for my life. “Negative resignation” says “well, I can’t change anything in my destiny so will just sit here.” Stef said, too: “…Because Jacob chose to trust the Man, to exhibit faith in the Man's character to the point that he would continue to struggle with Him.” Cool. So motivation to get God’s best & fall in line with His character, as He has revealed it.

2) Ask: am I open with God and with “meaningful others” (loyal friends, godly mentors, authority, etc.) about my struggle, when appropriate? This is struggling well. Heart attitude: “living an open & honest life before others.” Because if you try to only bury your feelings, then they are going to pop up elsewhere or later, in a wrong way possibly. If the reality is that I’m not satisfied with life as it is, then I think it's ok to be HONEST with God & let him know my hesitations, or fears (He knows them anyway, right?). Sweeping things under the rug is not the “good form” of not struggling with God.

3) Ask: am I determined that this isn’t about my winning, but about God getting the ‘upper hand’ in the end?
What is gonna be the result? Similar to Nr. 1 - in the end, I'm not going to be bitter or turn against God-- no matter WHAT the struggle is. I'm determined that this is gonna turn out for His glory and my good, in the end. (Even if the middle gets sort of 'messy.')

The “middle” is also important—I can’t leave out the process (by only focusing on the END result). It could be what God is doing IN me, in us. Maybe my unfulfilled desires ARE the sacrifice & the identification with Christ. The “process” God is doing in me. If being in Germany & being a single weren’t hard, well, people might say “How cool that you’re making this ‘sacrifice,’ only seeing friends & family sporadically & at a high plane fare cost. You’re living on a low salary. Away from Christian concerts & radio & multiple bible study opportunities & singles groups. You’re out of touch with your culture & home language. And daily learning & trying to adapt to be an ‘insider.’” Then I could respond: “No, no biggie—it’s no sacrifice.”

But if, on the other hand, like Jacob I might say, “although I’m truly rich & can’t complain about life—(Jacob had 2 wives, plenty of kids, servants, lots of animals & wealth) -- something about my life as it is, is STILL not enough. I’m not satisfied.” (and after all I really do NOT desire to live in the US right now- but do sometimes feel torn). The struggle, the process of getting to the blessing—that must be worth it- right?

So motivation, openness & determination about the end/ result (or seeing God’s hand in the process stage). These 3 help me see what it means to struggle well.

Psalm 24: 5-6: “He will receive BLESSING from the Lord, and vindication from God his Savior…Such is the generation of THOSE WHO SEEK HIM, who seek Your face, O God of JACOB.” I am totally attached to that quote by Jacob right now—it will be a ‘life verse’ for the year for me -- "I will not let You go, until..."